Today I can comfortably say that being a black woman in Buenos Aires, is simply beautiful. It is asking who I am and where I come from. It is questioning things that never crossed my mind or maybe they have, but I never gave them importance. It is looking at my self in the mirror and still feeling different, only that this time I also feel beautiful and proud. It is asking why I gave in so much. Why didn´t I put the brakes on before? But it is also to understand that everything has its time, place and moment. It is looking at my childhood with melancholy. Many times with feelings as strong as happiness and sadness combined. It is to be able to see my adolescent self and understand everything. It is putting my self in a dimension that I didn’t know, where I can connect with my true self. It is to open my head, and most of all, my “hard” heart. Understand that I was not alone. We were many and from many places in the world. It is to meet them. The different ones, who at the same time were my peers. Those who laughed had fun but also had the shell and knew that everything wasn’t ok. It is to listen to their stories and see myself reflected in each of them. But at the same time it is to constantly ask: WHO AM I?
It is to understand that it is ok not to have a concrete answer to any of this because now I allow myself to be a new person every day. It is feeling like the most powerful woman in the world and sometimes the weakest and most vulnerable. It is having doubts. It is not knowing everything. It is being an ignorant but always curious dreamer. It is to imagine, to dream and to do everything possible to also create. It’s taking out that shell and just keep going. It is connecting with my essence and trying to disconnect from my ego. It is to be able to recognize my privileges and try to understand the different positions of others. It is also to realize the privileges that I didn´t have and that I will never have. It is to understand so many things from my past that built my present and also to live the present to build my best future. It is thinking about my future as a collective, our future. First, as living beings, human beings, then as women, as black women and as all those labels that we have put on ourselves. It is giving me the space to feel more and thinks less. It is be daring, take risks, take the reins of the situation and be in charge of my own decisions. It is living the here and the now. It is to be present. It’s to allow myself that and not be so hard on myself. It is listening to my inner me and giving me the importance that I deserve. It is to love myself, but above all, it is to know my self. It is to understand and question everything I have learned. It is not being afraid to ask, to question, to inquire and to investigate. It’s finding beauty in the small things of our daily lives and accepting the not so beautiful. It is being my self, or rather; it is the self-aware construction of that self. This time at my own pace, my own tastes, my own values, my ideas and my decisions. It is to be.